Meditation On My Meals III

Wow, college is kind of the worst sometimes even when it’s not that bad! Did that make sense? No? Okay, well maybe someone resonated with that. On a more positive note I’m grateful that I have people in my life who make it not so bad. I’m grateful I get to go to college and I’m grateful that I got myself out of bed to go to class today. I just watched 13 Reasons Why, the Netflix Original show, the other day and it hit me like a wall of bricks. Yeah, I read the book when I was actually 13 years old (lol at that coincidence), but it’s one thing to read that story in book form and another to watch it. It made me think about depression, bullying, and their connection to suicide. What really made me think about was the presence of bullying in college, and especially how socially acceptable it is! Maybe I’ve had some bad experiences when I went to CU Boulder, but there were quite a few experiences that truly felt like bullying. The campus was so actively exclusive, I don’t even think I met a community that was genuinely inclusive. Through talking with some of my close peers recently, they agreed that they’ve experienced a lot of exclusivity with many of the communities on campus and in Boulder. Bullying doesn’t go away as you get older, bullies just aren’t called bullies anymore. I only came upon this realization after watching 13 Reasons Why because for the most part I didn’t experience that much bullying growing up. Sure, I had my experiences with other kids being mean to me or girls being cliquey in high school, but I never experienced active on-going bullying, at least until I came to college. Many bullies don’t realize they are being bullies and I, at the time, didn’t realize that I was being a perpetuator of bullying that was going on too! One of my best friends Andrea said to me yesterday something along the lines of “How I feel about bullying is a lot like how I feel about social justice issues, if you’re not actively being inclusive in your community, then you’re perpetuating exclusive behaviors”. When I heard her casually say this to me, I was like “Wow, you’re so so right and on point with that!” and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since. These were just some thoughts I’ve been processing lately. How are you actively being inclusive in your community?

Anyways, you probably came here to see some food. Well, if you remember from my first Meditation On My Meals post I talked about how not ever one of these posts is going to be pretty. This post probably isn’t going to be the prettiest of posts, but there’s a lovely selfie of me in it, so it still twinkles of beauty (hey, hey, I’m allowed to call myself beautiful if I want to!).

“If you want a always-picture-ready blogger, you’re in the wrong place, my friend.”

Oh my goodness, who is that?! That’s me y’all, in my truest form, with a smoothie in a blender bottle, hair in a bun, and in my boyfriends sweatshirt. You wanted an honest and authentic picture of a college student who’s healing, and here I hand you a mirror selfie. My makeup foundation no longer matches my current skin tone because I’ve been sitting inside for too many hours at a time studying, but I wear it anyways. If you want a always-picture-ready blogger, you’re in the wrong place, my friend.

[frozen blueberries, 1 scoop chocolate Vega Protein Smoothie powder, 1 scoop collagen powder, 1/2 tbsp matcha powder, almond milk]
Not every smoothie is going to be pretty and Instagram-ready, but it can still be yummy nonetheless.

Love is an action, never simply a feeling.” Bell Hooks

Spring Rituals

Happy spring season my friends! I can feel some big moves awaiting me in my near future and I’m excited to see where they take me. Now is the time for new beginnings, renewal, and even rebirth. Plant those seeds to manifest and grow into your present and future. Spring shows us the balance in ours lives and in nature by giving us longer days of sun after a dark period of winter. With these longer days, we get to witness the blooming of new flowers and vegetation, new love for others and ourselves, and definitely new adventures.

remember to take bubble baths when you can

I always like to do small rituals to welcome in the new seasons and I will give you some ideas of how you can welcome in the new season as well:

  • take a cleansing bath or shower and imagine all the remnants of winter washing off of you
  • journal about your passions, dreams, and future goals – use colorful pens and pencils for added fun!
  • meditate outside or take a mindful walk to reacquaint yourself with your environment
  • pick or buy some fresh flowers (but don’t go stealing your neighbors flowers! consent is key!)
  • drink a cup of floral herbal tea like lavender, jasmine, or chamomile tea – maybe even add some local raw honey!
  • get creative! paint, draw, make something with your hands, or even bake something
  • eat foods that are seasonal and local
  • clean! (obviously!)

These are just a few ways I like to welcome in the new season. Just like our thoughts and patterns from the last season, keep whatever resonates with you, and throw out the rest! Good luck to fellow students heading back to school from spring break. I hope you feel rejuvenated and are ready to learn about some super rad school stuff!

Cherry blossoms blooming in the Japanese Tea Garden, San Francisco

[If you’d like to see a cheat sheet I made for Eostre or the Spring Equinox it’s linked in this tweet]

Meditation On My Meals II

Hey readers who are no longer in school, does it suck as much as I imagine to no longer have mandatory vacations like spring and summer break? Yeah, I’m going to just imagine you all just nostalgically looked off into the distance remembering the times where you got super drunk in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico or Miami, Florida. Ok, ok, yeah, I know, not everyone goes somewhere beachy for their college breaks, myself included, but you got to admit there are enough tipsy college students roaming the warm beaches during these times of the year to make us all believe it’s the norm. Anyways, I visited San Francisco, California with Kevin (the handsome model in my photos below), where I got to show him around my favorite places in the city and introduce him to my parents. So I’m going to show you my favorite restaurant in San Francisco, a cool spot located in Hayes Valley named Souvla. It’s a cool, hip, very San Francisco vibe Greek Restaurant. In the spirit of San Francisco, they try to get most of their meat and produce from local and sustainable sources. It’s so nice to be able to go to a restaurant where I can say that whatever I’m eating isn’t going to hurt body.

Sunday, March 25, 2017

pork, minted greek yogurt, cherry tomato, pickled red onion, cucumber, feta cheese, kale, and topped with microgreens [feat. Kevin who got the lamb salad]

Here’s some more yummy food we ate while in my favorite city and a glimpse into the rest of our adventure:

green tea, strawberry, and taro flavored mochi + sencha green tea

California Burger (burger topped with arugula, caramelized onions, and a fried egg), brussels sprouts, lemonade, garlic fries

Lily Pond, Golden Gate Bridge

“Living is like tearing through a museum. Not until later do you really start absorbing what you saw, thinking about it, looking it up in a book, and remembering – because you can’t take it all in at once.” Audrey Hepburn 

beef stew pho and Gỏi cuốn

[I know, I know, he’s super pretty and significantly more stylish than I am]

Our trip was a much needed a break for my mind and body, as exhausting as it was at times going to so many places. You can even tell in the voice I use in this post, that I’m more myself and I’m coming back. That means more blogs posts, hooray!

Meditation On My Meals I

While this week exhausted me, it also was blessed with a couple days of sunny weather. I even got to wear Chacos (shush all you chaco haters out there)! By the weekend, I just wanted to hibernate in my cozy bed with a gigantic cup of tea and scroll through all the meme groups that I have for some ungodly reason decided to add myself to on Facebook. I achieved my goal, besides the constant dread of Sunday (aka today) arriving where I would force myself to sit down for a circulation-destroying number of hours to complete my assignments for the next week. And here I am on Sunday, still procrastinating, by writing a blog post. Whoa whoa, don’t judge me for procrastinating! You know you’re probably procrastinating right now too! In my defense I did make a commitment to sharing my meals with you. Anyways, today I procrastinated by screenshoting scenes from the movie The Love Witch (2016), which was fabulous btw, for reaction pictures for my twitter (as seen below).

Sunday, February 19, 2017

two slices of my homemade paleo coconut almond bread, a hard boiled egg, citrus olive oil, touch of salt


“Young people are cynical about love. Ultimately, cynicism is the great mask of the disappointed and betrayed heart”

-Bell Hook, All About Love

Meditation On My Meals – The Beginning

A new chapter of healing my body has emerged in my life. I am finally seeing a Functional Medicine doctor, specifically a Naturopath. After two sessions with her, I can already feel that I am on the right path. It has been both a reality check and a reassurance that I am doing the right thing. The one thing that constantly haunts me is my ability to stay accountable and with integrity to the realities of my healing. Many times I have fallen behind on my meal planning and resorted to buying food at a store or restaurant that contains foods I’m currently avoiding or I knew I had time to meditate but used those few minutes to scroll mindlessly through my social media feeds instead. In a time where I have let shame, guilt, fear, and anger make too cozy of a home in my mind, I need and desire to create a practice that creates a space for love. In alignment with that goal, I have decided to share my meals with you. Each post will contain a picture of a meal, a window into the reality of my medicine, and a poem or quote that resonates with me. It won’t always be pretty, as much I will attempt to make these posts presentable, but I hope to find the beauty in them as much as possible.

Thursday, February 15, 2017

A Breakfast Noodle SoupBrown rice noodles, homemade chicken bone broth, two fried eggs, 2 tbsp pumpkin seeds, touch of sriracha

In the theme of yesterday, Valentines Day, I enjoyed these words by Maya Angelou

People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

poem about u

There will be a day
when I write a poem
about u
that’s reminiscent
of my last,
but today
u are too soft
and too sweet
and too full of good
for me to put u
into the words
I’ve used
in my past.

Is Fluoride Killing Me Slowly

I’m a huge believer in the universe sending us signs. Recently, I’ve had many pondering about my health and I feel like the universe has sent me some signs to send me in the right direction. On a semi-related note, I started watching Grey’s Anatomy (which is AMAZING and I highly recommend to anyone who wants to go on an emotional roller coaster with the characters on the show to distract them from the emotional roller coaster of their life) and there was a patient in one episode of the show who felt immense pressure from her parents, but no matter how hard she tried, whatever she did wasn’t enough. Finally at one point in the episode Dr. Grey, while talking to the patient about how she is enough and shouldn’t be held to these ridiculous standards, says something along the lines of, “Life shouldn’t be that hard”. After hearing her say that line I burst into tears, dramatic, needed-half-of-a-tissue-box kind of tears. Hearing her say that triggered something in me and made me realize, you’re right, life shouldn’t be this hard. I have spent my whole almost-21 years struggling with digestive issues, chronic fatigue, depression, and weight issues. For someone who works out multiple times a week and eats a balanced diets, I shouldn’t be struggling this hard. There is something going on with my body and I am determined to find out what it is before it kills me. I shouldn’t need to be lying on my death bed before I get some fucking help.

Boulder Reservoir

So call me crazy, but I really do think of that episode Grey’s Anatomy was one of those signs. Another sign was when I’ve started listening to a podcast created by Dave Asprey, the creator of Bulletproof Coffee, who interviewed Elle Russ, a comedian and author of The Paleo Thyroid Solution. In this episode they talked about how current western medical doctors and endocrinologists tend to be extremely unhelpful when it comes to your thyroid health. Because of this, 60% of Americans with hypothyroidism go undiagnosed, most of those being women. Many of the symptoms and experiences Russ listed resonated with me. Once again, while listening to this podcast, I found myself crying, but this time on a public bus to the airport. One thing that really stayed in the back of my mind after listening to this podcast, and the whole time I visited my parents in California for Thanksgiving, was that they briefly mentioned Fluoride. It rang a bell in my mind because I’d remembered reading some posts writer by Lauren Geertsen on her blog Empowered Sustenance about the dangers of Fluoride. In the nutrition course I took while I still went to the University of Colorado Boulder (that I sadly did terribly in grade-wise because yay depression) was that we add Fluoride to our drinking water to help with dental health. In this class, the professor said that adding Fluoride to municipal water supplies was beneficial for the dental health of the citizens who lived in the areas it supplied water for, that Fluoride in drinking water was only possibly detrimental for people who sourced their drinking water from underground wells because of the high levels of Fluoride. Even then the only detrimental effect would be contracting dental fluorosis. The course didn’t touch on fluoride’s other effects to the human body. With some research and intense Googling, I discovered that Fluoride used to be prescribed to people in the 1950’s to suppress the thyroid gland, a gland in our neck that excretes hormones that regulates our metabolism, cardiovascular system, and growth development. Our thyroid health affects our energy levels, sexual health, weight, among many other things. It’s strange to me that very few people in America talk about how we casually put a thyroid-suppressing mineral in our water. Apparently, it’s even banned in certain places in Western Europe. Are American’s so concerned with the aesthetics of our teeth that we completely ignore how this could be affecting our thyroid health? In the town I grew up in, we had fluoride added to our drinking water at 1ppm which is 1mg per liter. In the town I currently reside in, the 2016 water quality report said that we have 4ppm in our water which is 4mg per liter. As someone who drinks approximately 2 liters of water a day, I’m ingesting 8mg of Fluoride a day, and that’s not including the Fluoride I’m accidentally ingesting from toothpaste and fluoride-containing foods. In study a published in the British Medical Journal on the ingestion of fluoride, all subjects who ingested the fluoride were found to have damage to the gastric mucosa, which is an essential part of the stomach lining that protects the stomach from stomach acid and lubricates food for digestion. After sifting through, I’m definitely concerned with how much fluoride I ingest on a daily basis.

twitter - drinking waterOf course after learning about the potential dangers of ingesting Fluoride I want it to gtfo of my drinking water ASAP! Apparently it’s not as easy as owning a silly little Brita, not that I or anyone I live with fills it anyways. Brita water filters use activated charcoal to filter tap water, which can filter out some chlorine and metals but not fluoride. But apparently it requires extra filtration, that usually ends up being fairly expensive. The only way to remove fluoride from tap water is through reverse osmosis, deionization, and using activated alumina. You can purchase certain portable water filters or install them in your home, which can add up to some pretty hefty prices. As a college student, this isn’t really a viable option for me since I will be renting for an indefinite number of years before I can find a home that I can install permanent water filters. Yes, I totally asked for a large portable water filter for Christmas, because I sure can’t afford to buy one myself. The one I’ve been interested in was recommended by my fav blog Empowered Sustenance in this article. Crossing my fingers that my parents are super rad and wants to support my health (hint hint fam that’s you). Another way you can avoid Fluoride is by drinking spring water. Some spring water can still contain fluoride, but you can find ones that have zero to 0.1ppm fluoride content. My only issue with spring water resides in how it gets to you. My local health food store sells gallon sizes of Colorado spring water from a Elderado Natural Spring Water, but they come in plastic containers. An option I’m going to look into is their delivery service so that I can reduce my carbon footprint by not buying plastic. The last option to remove fluoride is distillation, but ain’t nobody got time for that, especially as a college student. As someone who drinks a large quantity of water a day, this is going to be a huge change for me. Even my current Twitter handle is “drink more water pls“, where I frequently annoy my peers by reminding them to drink more water. Now I’m not saying don’t drink water, because it’s basically the essence of life and makes up about 70% of our physical human bodies, but I’m always a huge believe in that you should know what you’re putting into your body. No one thinks about how water can negatively affect your health, but I learned from an early age to question everything and this just solidifies that ideal.

Now I’m not saying that Fluoride is the main cause for my health problems, but it’s definitely a factor the universe has shown me to look more into. I’m determined, curious, and excited for where this discovery will lead me. I hope this has helped inform you more about your drinking water or at least supported you in seeing how the universe has been sending you some signs.

My Post-Election Post

I feel heavy. That’s one of the only ways I can describe how I feel after this election, heavy. A feeling that has periodically shown itself in uncontrollable weeping tears that have stained whatever shirt I’ve been wearing these past few days. A feeling of fear, for myself as a woman and for the people of color and queer individuals in my life. A feeling of deep sadness for the individuals in this country who are so filled with hate and resentment that they believe the responsibility of our collective destruction of this country should be put on the shoulders of certain demographics, who don’t deserve any of this blame. A feeling of disappointment for the individuals who looked past the bad, the very bad, just because they wanted a Republican in the presidency (and btw Trump isn’t even a Republican).

Of course I’m fucking biased. I wanted Hillary Clinton to fucking win. I didn’t want Trump to win. I didn’t want someone who openly invalidates the lives and experiences of so many people I love. I didn’t give a flying-fuck about whether the president was a republican or democrat. I just didn’t want to feel this feeling that I’m feeling right now, but here I am fucking feeling it.

But I am also optimistic. Sometimes a sickness must erupt in our bodies and come to the surface for us to realize that, even though this was something we could’ve prevented, there is something we need to fix, there is a need that should be filled, and there conversation to be had as to where the root of the sickness lies. There is a lot of fear, sadness, and hate in the American people and it needed to come to the surface for us to realize the depth of the problem. We could’ve had a woman for our president, but that could’ve just put a bandaid over the deeply rooted racism, misogyny, and bigotry that sits in the hearts and minds of many Americans. These deeply rooted issues may not have been addressed as aggressively as they need to be if we continued to ignore the actual thoughts of the American people. So, it’s really a tragedy that these problems needed to be addressed in this way, but I am optimistic because this has empowered young people to take action, to see this country for what it really is, and realize how much love we have for our peers.

this beautiful fucking country
this beautiful fucking country

Please remember:

  • The feelings you’re feeling are valid, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
  • This is a big shit-storm that sucks right now, and I don’t promise it won’t get worse, but it will pass and it will be wonderful.
  • Listen to your peers, they are hurting in one way or another too, no matter who they voted for in this election.
  • You are strong and I am strong too, but we are stronger together.
  • It’s okay if you need to distance yourself from the conversation for a little bit, take a break from social media, and take some time for self-care.

I love you, I believe in you, I believe in us, and I believe we will heal.

emotional masochism

The soles of my shoes have become thin
From hiking up that mountain
I knew I couldn’t reach the top of,
But I still hiked up anyways.

My throat has gone hoarse
From yelling at this brick wall
I knew my voice wouldn’t reach the other side of,
But I still yelled anyways.

The umbrella I bought at the dollar store is now tattered
From hoping it would protect me in this hurricane.
I should’ve known it wouldn’t sustain that weather,
But I still used it anyways.

My eyes are red and dry now
After hiking up that mountain
And yelling at that brick wall
And feeling the force of the hurricane.
I should’ve known this would’ve happened,
But I still did it anyways.

Because I’m tired
Of sitting inside
When these shoes were meant for hiking,
This voice of mine was meant for yelling,
And I didn’t buy that umbrella
For it to just sit in the back of the closet.
My eyes are red and dry now,
But I’m alive and this was the only way
I knew I could make sure.

Intuitive Goodbye

I’m sorry, baby, but it was never about you.
My heartbreak was never about you.
My heart ached when you no longer
desired my flowers and chocolates
and the sweet nothings
I sometimes still whisper into your ear.
But I’m sorry, baby, it was never about you.
My heart sighed that you no longer
desired me to massage out the knots
that you let me untie
and sometimes I still hold on to.
But I’m sorry, baby, it was never about you.
My heart will always, first and foremost,
belong to me.
And it was me who broke it.