A new chapter of healing my body has emerged in my life. I am finally seeing a Functional Medicine doctor, specifically a Naturopath. After two sessions with her, I can already feel that I am on the right path. It has been both a reality check and a reassurance that I am doing the right thing. The one thing that constantly haunts me is my ability to stay accountable and with integrity to the realities of my healing. Many times I have fallen behind on my meal planning and resorted to buying food at a store or restaurant that contains foods I’m currently avoiding or I knew I had time to meditate but used those few minutes to scroll mindlessly through my social media feeds instead. In a time where I have let shame, guilt, fear, and anger make too cozy of a home in my mind, I need and desire to create a practice that creates a space for love. In alignment with that goal, I have decided to share my meals with you. Each post will contain a picture of a meal, a window into the reality of my medicine, and a poem or quote that resonates with me. It won’t always be pretty, as much I will attempt to make these posts presentable, but I hope to find the beauty in them as much as possible.
Thursday, February 15, 2017
A Breakfast Noodle SoupBrown rice noodles, homemade chicken bone broth, two fried eggs, 2 tbsp pumpkin seeds, touch of sriracha
In the theme of yesterday, Valentines Day, I enjoyed these words by Maya Angelou
“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
I feel heavy. That’s one of the only ways I can describe how I feel after this election, heavy. A feeling that has periodically shown itself in uncontrollable weeping tears that have stained whatever shirt I’ve been wearing these past few days. A feeling of fear, for myself as a woman and for the people of color and queer individuals in my life. A feeling of deep sadness for the individuals in this country who are so filled with hate and resentment that they believe the responsibility of our collective destruction of this country should be put on the shoulders of certain demographics, who don’t deserve any of this blame. A feeling of disappointment for the individuals who looked past the bad, the very bad, just because they wanted a Republican in the presidency (and btw Trump isn’t even a Republican).
Of course I’m fucking biased. I wanted Hillary Clinton to fucking win. I didn’t want Trump to win. I didn’t want someone who openly invalidates the lives and experiences of so many people I love. I didn’t give a flying-fuck about whether the president was a republican or democrat. I just didn’t want to feel this feeling that I’m feeling right now, but here I am fucking feeling it.
But I am also optimistic. Sometimes a sickness must erupt in our bodies and come to the surface for us to realize that, even though this was something we could’ve prevented, there is something we need to fix, there is a need that should be filled, and there conversation to be had as to where the root of the sickness lies. There is a lot of fear, sadness, and hate in the American people and it needed to come to the surface for us to realize the depth of the problem. We could’ve had a woman for our president, but that could’ve just put a bandaid over the deeply rooted racism, misogyny, and bigotry that sits in the hearts and minds of many Americans. These deeply rooted issues may not have been addressed as aggressively as they need to be if we continued to ignore the actual thoughts of the American people. So, it’s really a tragedy that these problems needed to be addressed in this way, but I am optimistic because this has empowered young people to take action, to see this country for what it really is, and realize how much love we have for our peers.
The feelings you’re feeling are valid, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
This is a big shit-storm that sucks right now, and I don’t promise it won’t get worse, but it will pass and it will be wonderful.
Listen to your peers, they are hurting in one way or another too, no matter who they voted for in this election.
You are strong and I am strong too, but we are stronger together.
It’s okay if you need to distance yourself from the conversation for a little bit, take a break from social media, and take some time for self-care.
I love you, I believe in you, I believe in us, and I believe we will heal.
A desire to change routine is not enough to create change, but it’s a start in the right direction. If one truly wants to manifest change in their lives, they need to have the willingness to take action. Then they need to understand that whatever obstacle that prevents them from reaching this change only exists because they let it. This could mean taking responsibility for everything, such as bad habits and toxic relationships, that one lets into their life and deciding if these things actually benefit one’s life or not.
I currently have a bad habit in my life that I think is holding me back from being my true, healthy self. I take responsibility for how it negatively affects my life and my health. I need to have a conversation with the people in my life that perpetuate this bad habit, and hope that they understand why I now choose not to do it anymore. I need to identify my triggers and replace this habit with a good habits (I’m going to choose a cup of dandelion tea or a small workout). I’ve wanted to change for a while now, but that isn’t enough to create that change. My willingness to take action and take responsibility for what I’ve let hold me back from change is pushing me in the right direction.
Don’t you just love the healing thoughts that can come from a nice, relaxing bath? My best meditations and realizations have come after I’ve had a nice healing bath. This time I put chamomile, lavender, and epsom salts in my bath. The relaxation properties of chamomile and lavender mixed with the detoxing benefits of epsom salts left me in a complete state of calm. I feel like I can take on the world and all my bad habits…but maybe after a good nights rest. 🙂
There can be a cut, a scratch, a heartfelt slash
in the thick, calloused skin of yours,
penetrated delightfully into those well-built layers of your flesh.
That bruised accumulation of cells you call a body evolved to heal.
You can trust that it will grow its roots over your superficial wounds
and keep you shaded from the brazen sunshine of germs and dirt,
but there’s no textbook magic some higher power highness gave you
to meld over the scrapes and squanders of your mind.
There’s no “how to” and “trust the system”
when you find your fresh-cup-of-tea smile
turn down to a over-steeped-brew smirk with spilled-milk tears.
No matter how much sugar you add to mask your sadness
or depression or anxiety or lost love,
the taste of denial will curdle in the back of your mouth
because a band aid can’t heal all when it just covers.
May it take a day, a month, or a few years,
take that slow, mindful walk in the park,
take that soothing chamomile bath,
take that adventurous gap year.
Your delicate mind may not compare in heartiness to its host,
but let the courageous grass grow
and soon enough you’ll have infinite, euphoric meadow.